Today, I was reminded what it used to be like when it was time to be supportive of another person in times of sorrow or joy. I would struggle to find the right words to say, in just the right way. It didn’t seem fully sincere to me, but at least the other person knew I was there for them. That was the important thing.
Then something happened when I stopped eating flour and sugar. My heart melted. I felt the warmth of compassion… according to the meaning of the word compassion: “to suffer with.”
There was no longer a need to “be supportive” and search for the right words to say and the right way to say them. I began to feel feelings in my body, down to the cellular level. I realized that all I needed to do was to honestly share my feelings.
Now, when another person brings me their experience I feel my face change. I feel my heart go out to them. Words flow. Sometimes I start by saying what I’m feeling in my body.
“My heart is going out to you.”
“Wow! I feel like jumping for joy with you!”
I’m also feeling my own joys and sorrows very differently.
When something inspires me I feel a thrill throughout my body. It’s my cue to pay close attention. It means there’s something deeply meaningful to ponder when I feel that thrill.
When something saddens or gladdens me, my heart swells, my face flushes and my eyes tear. There is a tenderness that comes over me.
I look at Gregory and… depending on the day… either a big smile pops out and I feel warm all over… or I frown and feel the frustration and anger of having to relate to a person who is so different from me.
I really don’t remember feeling my feelings like this before getting abstinent and following my 12-step program.
I guess abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Thank goodness.
Love & Light,
Valerie