Photo credit: dharma.org
For several years, my friend Debby and I have had a weekly, structured conversation that’s mostly about supporting our own commitments to various projects. It’s because of Debby that, in 2010, I took a program in coaching. She said, “You have to do it.” So, I did it.
As a part of our work together, each week one of us chooses a question we will write about. Then we read aloud what we’ve written at the beginning of our next session. Last week, Debby chose the question, “What would make me good enough?”
As soon as I saw the question in her email I thought, “I am good enough.” That thought kept coming up over and over again. I’m good enough. Then the question arose, “How could it be that I am good enough?”
Here’s what I thought. Every time Miranda the Labradoodle wakes me up in the morning with her gentle nose bump on my arm, it’s good enough. I take a deep cleansing breath, sit up slowly, notice Gregory in the bed with me and it’s good enough. I put my clothes on, stand up, and, under my own power, walk to the bathroom and it’s good enough. I pee and poop on my own and it’s good enough. I wash my hands and face and brush my teeth and it’s good enough. I walk the neighborhood with Miranda, practicing my awkward ambulation and it’s good enough. I aim for three weighed and measured meals a day, no flour or sugar, and nothing in between and it’s good enough. I’m happy and it’s good enough.
What is “it” that is good enough? Life… being alive is good enough. It’s a gift. It’s a miracle. And the gifts keep on coming. So, if life itself is good enough, then I must be good enough… because I’m a part of life. And life is bigger than me.
Debby reminded me that the question “What would make me good enough?” was one that I had posed before the accident. It shocked me to remember that I used to feel inadequate. What changed?
It took a lot to get me here. I wouldn’t wish this passage on anyone. It took a dark night of the soul.
I was literally knocked down and run over. My connection with G-d was broken. I was made to lie down and not get up. Gradually, after wandering through various realms of hell, I was led slowly, slowly into healing. G-d restored my soul. Gratitude overwhelmed me with each visit of a caring person. I surrendered to the strength, guidance, love and support of my family, friends and 12-step fellowship, and I began to feel my own strength returning. Happiness became my foundation.
Now, although I still see the problems, difficulties and failures in my life, I also see miracles in my life every day. I know life will be good enough and I will be good enough… as long as I am grateful. The practice of gratitude is a great blessing!
Love & Light,
Valerie
Today, my dear daughter, we are going to have lunch together. I woke remembering your early months of struggling to restore a terribly injured body and I asked myself if I could ask you the questions I wanted to ask- how you are feeling – what your body is teaching you – whether you have overcome the depression and fear the sudden change in your life had caused, but i decided it was time to let you guide me – that I would listen more and question less. I am so grateful for today’s Cup of Kindness, for you have given me the joy of stepping into your life and seeing all the good and the growth you have miraculously made. I too, am filled with gratitude. mom
Dear Mom, Your listening was healing. I’m so glad you are grateful, too. Love & Light, Valerie
Gratitude is the antidote for all that ails us. It begins with acceptance of what is, then moves Forward in celebration. I am grateful for this day’s sun’s rise and last night’s shadows. I am grateful for the soft and certain sound of my little Toby’s sleeping breath. I am grateful for the comfort and artful arrangement of furnishings in my daughter’s LA apartment. I am grateful that she and I enjoy each other’s company. I am grateful for friendships that keep renewing themselves in the ebb and flow of life. I am grateful to be sponsored and in recovery. I am grateful for the gift of abstinence and the willingness to seek God’s will. I am grateful for Internet access to information and services that make life more convenient. I am grateful for a new home and a blank canvas to to start over one more time. I am grateful for gentleness, kind smiles, unhurried sitting, moon glow and vast silences. I am grateful.
Dear Elayne, How beautiful. Love & Light, Valerie
Valerie,
What a perfect way to start my morning-with gratitude for the thoughts and feelings you captured and for life. Thank you ! Your past hell brings so much heaven now to many! May the blessings and gratitude continue to overwhelm you! Peace and Blessings! Melanie
Dear Melanie, Thank you so much. There is nothing in the world I want more than to restore heaven in place of the hell that many suffered on my behalf. Thank you for your understanding and blessings! Love & Light, Valerie
hello val,
thank you for the wise reminders.
and hello from brisbane,australia
Mayee!!! Wow! What are you doing in Brisbane? Love & Light, Valerie
Ahhhh!! Your writing on this day and the responses and comments from your mother and friends…So lovely and comforting and supportive!!! I am one of Susan Waite’s friend from Kirkland, WA and am so inspired and thrilled by your recovery from your accident and reentry into all that is good and beautiful and fulfilling in your world!! Keep up the courage to face the beauty and the struggles each day delivers, Valerie!!
Dear Liz, Thank you for this connection. I’m delighted to make a new friend. I love your message to “keep up the courage to face the beauty and struggles each day delivers.” It does take a “rage of the heart” to face both beauty and struggle directly. I’ll be pondering this today. Love & Light, Valerie