Today, a friend asked me, “Are you resentful about your accident?” I’m really not resentful. I don’t have a resentful bone in my body about the accident. Not even my broken and crushed bones… of which there were many.
I’m very sad about all those who were emotionally traumatized, especially my mother, my husband and my sister… and me, too.
I’m sometimes dismayed by my damaged intellect. It takes me much longer to process conversations, questions and events.
Occasionally I forget to take my noon pain medication. By about 3pm my numb right leg, from my low back to my toes, which usually feels like a wooden leg with a giant cramp in it, begins to feel a lot worse. My whole body aches and it’s all I can do just to crawl into bed.
I sometimes feel morose about the vitality that I’ve lost and stupefied by the amount of work it takes for the atrophied muscles in my left hip to get me up a stair step.
My ears ring and I miss being able to sing.
On the other hand… I am more grateful to be alive than ever before. I am happy to have found body, mind and spiritual modalities for healing that work for me. I accept my limitations. I’ve been told that, while I’m still very smart, I have brain damage… an excellent excuse for forgetting names! As long as I keep working out and taking my meds on time, I get around pretty well. I can turn over in bed, stand, walk the dog, talk, cook, be of service, and enjoy the gifts of friends and family.
I view the cause of the accident as the disease of alcohol addiction. The man who hit me had a blood alcohol that was three times the legal limit. I watched his video-taped deposition and it appeared to me that he was not able to accept that his excessive drinking throughout that day caused the accident. When he comes to mind, I pray for his recovery.
I’m familiar with addiction. I’m a food addict and alcohol is also a part of my story.
I have an allergy to all flours, all sugars (including alcohol), and quantities. This allergy sets up an uncontrollable craving and leads to an unmanageable life.
I’m lucky. I’m in a 12-step program for food addiction. After nearly a year of abstinence, I just recently slid off the rails. The program makes so much sense to me that I understand what happened and what to do to get back on track with a stronger foundation.
I’m not resentful about my food addiction. This is what life has handed me. It has also handed me beauty, love, peace and a program of recovery.
One day at a time, I can decide to be honest. I can decide to be available to others. I can decide to be happy, joyous and free. And I know exactly what choices to make to achieve those goals. It’s been proven to me time and again. My faith in the tools of our program is examined and I have no doubt. The solution is there for the asking.
Love & Light,
Valerie
…and , to us all , inspiration., to include in your list, love, beauty, peace, and….
Thank you, dear Nicola.
Stay cozy.
Love & Light,
Valerie
Hi, Valerie
Just want to say hello, think of you often and keep on being you. I enjoy a cup of kindness! Hope to get together with you when it is convenient. Miss your expertise and talking union issues! Take care and keep doing what you are doing…..Peace and Love, Mary
Thank you so much, Mary. Your kind words mean a lot to me.
A get together would be lovely. Let’s set a date! Sometime after the holidays would be great. I could come downtown and we could meet for coffee.
Whenever you are ready, feel free to contact me at valerie@acupofkindness.com.
Love & Light,
Valerie
Valerie, this was so positive and encouraging. I am struggling with food addiction, particularly sugar, and seem to refuse to do anything to correct it, except try to exercise more regularly.
I would like to invite you and Gregory to Friends House Saturday 12/14, for a program of live music (George Peachey and others), at 7:15 in Miller Center. Ron and Jenny will also be there. Sorry for the rather late invitation. No need to reply. Just come if you can. Refreshments in New C Lounge after the program.
Love and continued strength to you,
Ellen Atkinson
Dear Ellen,
If you’d ever like to ask any questions about the program that’s been so helpful to me and many others, please feel free to contact me at valerie@acupofkindness.com. We could set up a time to talk.
Thank you very much for the invitation to the live music at the Miller Center. Gregory and I are already booked with a birthday party for a dear friend. Otherwise, we would be there with bells on!
Love & Light,
Valerie
Valerie –
I am so glad I decided to check in tonight … a new post! I am so grateful for this blog, and each visit seems to yield new inspiration.
This post really spoke to me. I find myself dealing with resentments on every level, from the slightest affront to deep wounds. In the past I would literally chew them over. And over. And over. As I soothed myself with whatever sugar or flour product came to hand.
I am so grateful that I can now begin to address those issues absent the food-induced fog. It is still hard work, learning to be present in the moment in an appropriate way, but I feel the growth.
So your story leaves me in awe. You have such a healthy perspective on your challenges, though I am sure it is the product of hard work as well. Thank you for sharing it.
May your holiday season be filled with every good thing!
– Em
Dear Em,
Thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Just this morning I was noticing how vulnerable I’m feeling to the various slings and arrows flying around out there. I feel hurt by criticism of me and even by negativity towards others.
I love what you say about chewing over affronts and wounds and soothing yourself with flour and sugar in the past; and now being present to address issues absent the food fog.
I feel that way, too. When I look back it’s rather amazing how I’ve been changed. What used to leave me confused, insecure and depressed now is an opportunity to pause, reflect, find what’s mine to learn, notice what is really about the other person, and make a decision about how to respond or whether I can just let go of it.
That “pause” is so important to me. Our 30 minutes of Quiet Time is teaching me to pause.
Yes. I guess it does take work.
Thank you again for sharing!
Love & Light,
Valerie
Dear Valerie,
You are indeed very smart, wise, beautiful in the physical and deeply beautiful in your spirit, generous, insightful, and kind.
Thank you for this posting. I was having trouble letting go of a resentment last night, and also so relate to your response above about feeling hurt by criticism of self and by negativity towards others. I’ve gotten off track with my spiritual practices and tried to catch up last night with the online course about Contemplative Prayer I’m taking; it was helpful but I still haven’t completely let go of the resentment or of what isn’t mine. You remind me that it does take work and practice and the very important pause.
Thank you.
Deborah
Dear Deborah,
I was reminded today that my food “abstinence” is a spiritual practice that has the side effect of happiness.
I used to think that my goal was happiness. That goal may have led me to cocktails and chocolate cake. But the goal of spiritual practice seems to be more likely to lead to happiness, joy and freedom… especially freedom from addiction in my case.
Thanks for reminding me back that it does take work and practice and the very important pause.
Love & Light,
Valerie