What is my barometer? Is it my weight? Is it something called sanity? Is it how I feel in my clothes? Is it whether or not my practice is perfect? Is it continuous abstinence?

I’m afraid that I won’t get back to continuous abstinence.

This morning, my 12-step sponsor said, “So what? What if what you get isn’t like what it was before? Right now, it’s the fear that is very negative. The fear is unhealthy.”

I know that’s true. Fear sends me into post traumatic stress with various unhealthy symptoms.

Maybe it’s good that I am sensitive to fear. It’s an error check… or a reality check. Really, in this moment all is well.

Today, my barometer is going to be contentment. And contentment for me is the result of walking the straight path, gently, easily, with a walking stick, and with other food addicts.

I wrote down my food last night. I said my prayers this morning. I sat in Quiet Time. I spoke honestly with my sponsor. I had a weighed and measured abstinent breakfast. And I have a plan to use the rest of the tools, just for today.

Ganesha, in the gesture for promising protection, suggests that I affirm, “I believe in the good in this human being and the good will be revealed to me.”

Thank you, G-d, I am contented.

Love & Light,

Valerie