This is the kitchen where we talk about food, life, and recovery—a spiritual path to healing and peace.

You are invited to keep coming back to A Cup of Kindness to share your experience, strength and hope; fears, doubts and insecurities; and to pick up information, inspiration … and have a little fun!

My story
In January 2007, at the age of 51, I joined a 12-step program and began my recovery from food addiction, losing 75 pounds in the process. Read more…

In January 2011, at the age of 55, I began my recovery from a multi-trauma accident, 36 fractures, damaged lungs, and post traumatic stress. Read more…

I am deeply grateful for all the kindnesses, large and small, offered to me in recovery. Here I am... alive… still making progress … still not perfect … finding a new way forward in a growing community of women and men who share a lot in common around food and life.

I hope you'll join me in this kitchen and let me know what's cooking with you.

A Cup of Kindness

Open Heart Project


The gift of desperation


The good news is that today I am happy and grateful. I’m in Recovery and not in the food.

The truth is that I hit bottom with the food over the weekend. What was it like?

Reminder to self:

I felt fat. My clothes were too tight. The extra pounds were beginning to show. I wanted to stop eating, but couldn’t. I thought about food and my weight constantly. I gave up on my program.  Gregory said it felt like I wasn’t there because I was in the food. He needed me to be present. I thought I was functioning at a high level, but I kept eating. I calculated that I’d be back up to 250 pounds within 5 short months and I kept eating. I was eating to soothe my feelings, to fall asleep, and to wake up. I wasn’t hungry, but was always ready to eat more. I regretted what I ate and drank. I was unconscious of what triggered this episode (uncomfortable feelings) and therefore couldn’t talk about it.

Thankfully, on Monday morning, for the first time in my life I received the gift of desperation.  It dropped me to my knees with tears welling up and a heart on fire. I quieted and looked for my connection with the loving G-d that is within and all around. I said the Serenity Prayer and asked for help to guide me into lifelong Recovery. I took a leap of faith and surrendered.

It was a moment that shocked me and I am stunned to still feel it now. I really want to do this for the rest of my life. I’m no longer thinking about what I’m going to do about food and alcohol on Thanksgiving 6 months ahead of time… as I usually do. I just want to be happy and free and not miserable in the food.

Just in case I forget this feeling (ha! – I’ll forget it for sure), it is absolutely clear to me that I need to work every tool possible of my 12-step program for food addiction… “just for today” and all the days that follow.

Each day I am using the tools to prepare myself for a day in Recovery.

Each day I am making Recovery my philosophy.

Each day I am aiming for happy, joyous and free!

May all beings be well, happy and peaceful.

Love & Light,


For more about the quilt see www.kristinmillerquilts.com. 

11 Comments to The gift of desperation

  1. Myra TAte's Gravatar Myra TAte
    June 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    I have you in my heart. mom

  2. Sis's Gravatar Sis
    June 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    Very powerful.

    Here is a sweet somewhat mushy Irish prayer I just coincidentally read today:

    May God give you…
    For every storm, a rainbow,
    For every tear, a smile,
    For every care, a promise,
    And a blessing in each trial.
    For every problem life sends,

    xoxoxoxo – your sis
    A faithful friend to share,
    For every sigh, a sweet song,
    And an answer for each prayer

  3. Sis's Gravatar Sis
    June 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm | Permalink

    Oops that got a little messed up. It’s supposed to be the following:

    May God give you…
    For every storm, a rainbow,
    For every tear, a smile,
    For every care, a promise,
    And a blessing in each trial.
    For every problem life sends,
    A faithful friend to share,
    For every sigh, a sweet song,
    And an answer for each prayer

  4. Cousin Anne's Gravatar Cousin Anne
    June 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm | Permalink

    And today you can celebrate outside yourself – we all have good news for once – Go Supremes!!!

  5. Francesca's Gravatar Francesca
    June 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    Dear Valerie,
    The downward spiral is treacherous and ugly. It can lead to an abyss and we become despondent. The beauty lies in coming back up into the Light and into Recovery which you did on Monday. YEAH! Each day is a new beginning and we can start fresh. Good for you that you did. No regrets … only the road ahead.
    Love you,

  6. nicola's Gravatar nicola
    July 1, 2012 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    oh my dear Valerie. What a powerful monster monkey you have riding on your back.
    Wish I could just throw a dart into its ugly heart, or punch it into oblivion forever.
    Not even a good husbands hugs and loving can make it shrivel.
    Please, mighty universal spirit, send a fire breathing dragon and scorch it with a shower of brilliant sparks so Valerie can be free to enjoy every bite she takes to heal her body/mind/spirit.
    Bespeak her glasses with water that she feels every drop giving her the strength to face each moment the memory of this monster raises its ugly head in moments of weakness and powerlessness with equanimity and inner peace.
    This I pray

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