Vase and paperwhites from Jenny. Photo by Gregory.
Just now, this morning, Gregory pointed out to me that I had splashed water on the kitchen floor and kindly suggested that I clean it up.
I pulled off some paper towels and, as I gawkily got myself down onto the floor, I thought of Piper Laurie playing Paul Newman’s sad, doomed, crippled, beautiful girlfriend in the movie masterpiece, The Hustler. How was it that her character was so beautiful, even with her withered leg and her sadness?
Then I thought of the small vase and paperwhites that my neighbor Jenny brought to us on Wednesday – the anniversary of my accident. Jenny, her husband and young daughters lived in Japan before moving to our neighborhood. She has a beautiful collection of Japanese furniture and decorative objects. I couldn’t take my eyes off the vase and flowers for a long time. What was it that was so beautiful about this simple arrangement, with a leaf hanging down one side?
The response that came to me was wabi-sabi. Wabi-sabi is the Japanese aesthetic from Buddhist teaching that there is beauty to be found in imperfection and impermanence… if it brings about in us a peaceful yearning, a spiritual leading.
In 2011, my body and mind experienced a shattering so strong that I am still aware of my imperfection and impermanence moment by moment, every day and throughout the night.
When I worry about my food life and my future body and mind life, my good 12-step friend says I am not to be afraid. G-d is with me. G-d’s arm is around me. There is no abyss… only the path to liberation.
My clumsiness getting to the floor in my no-longer-graceful body reminds me of imperfection and impermanence. So, my limp may be the most beautiful thing about me.
Love & Light,
Valerie
The most striking thing about this tale to me is that Gregory can so easily tell you to clean up the water. I’m not real good making my wishes known to my spouse.
As for imperfection please let me join you in recognizing that spiritual longing is fueled by imperfection and addiction, or is it the other way around? and thus can lead us home.
As my father used to say, eat a meal, wash your bowl. Gregory says spill the water, clean it up. Higher Power is whispering in my ear, yearn for food, do Quiet Time.
A direct path to the kitchen! No stopping, no thinking, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Straight to prison I go with my cuppa in the name of enjoyment and sharing with others. I hear God whisper to me, but not usually when I long to eat.
This is a skill worth developing and will take a concentrated effort to listen for the call to quiet time on my way to the eats. To be light and airy like the angels watching over.
L&L B
… or as my good 12-step friend says, every time I eat “… give the first bite to G-d.” Now that’s a practice. L&L, Valerie