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This is the kitchen where we talk about food, life, and recovery—a spiritual path to healing and peace.

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You are invited to keep coming back to A Cup of Kindness to share your experience, strength and hope; fears, doubts and insecurities; and to pick up information, inspiration … and have a little fun!

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In January 2007, at the age of 51, I joined a 12-step program and began my recovery from food addiction, losing 75 pounds in the process. Read more…

In January 2011, at the age of 55, I began my recovery from a multi-trauma accident, 36 fractures, damaged lungs, and post traumatic stress. Read more…

I am deeply grateful for all the kindnesses, large and small, offered to me in recovery. Here I am... alive… still making progress … still not perfect … finding a new way forward in a growing community of women and men who share a lot in common around food and life.

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Whoooo are you?

A while back, Gregory and I were walking through Nordstrom. Well, he was walking. I was hobbling.

As another couple walked by us, I heard the woman say quietly, “Spastic.”

I knew exactly what she was doing. I used to do this all the time. I’m a nurse. Gregory is a massage therapist. I would see someone with a funny walk, and I would diagnose them in a word to Gregory.

In this situation I had to hold myself back from running after the couple and gently saying, “Not spastic. Pedestrian hit and run over (with 2 tires) by large vehicle. 36 fractures, including all ribs, sacrum, pelvis, several vertebrae, spinal cord injury. In Shock Trauma for 2 months. On ventilator. MRSA pneumonia. In rehab hospital for 2 months. Serious post traumatic stress injury. Recovering since then with a team of traditional and complementary healers.”

I wanted to do this, not to show off or make myself special in some way, but to clarify my identity. I didn’t want to be mistaken for someone else.

Now, I want to change. However, I can’t do that if I’m holding on to old identities – the survivor of a terrible accident, or even the person I was before the accident.

I have a wonderful sponsor in my 12-step program for food addiction. This morning she asked me, “Who do you want to be in the world?”

She said, “Look for your potential. Start from faith and do the work. Use the tools of the program.”

So, as a living amends to all those people I have identified by their walk, I will work on becoming more than my walk.

I’m very curious to see who shows up in this new narrative and will welcome her with gratitude.

Love & Light,

Valerie

6 Comments to Whoooo are you?

  1. nicola's Gravatar nicola
    April 1, 2012 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    Well then, we become everybody in the end and everybody is “me” . So , everyone will show up , in your walking.
    love you nicola

  2. Terri's Gravatar Terri
    April 1, 2012 at 9:59 am | Permalink

    I feel like making amends is the beginning of healing the mind. Each of us, no matter who we are, has the obligation to look at ourselves and aspire to be the best we can be. Acknowledging our shortcomings, and making an attempt to correct our mistakes as it relates to the past is difficult but necessary.

    Our potential is just waiting for the opportunity to spring forward. Recognizing that potential takes concentrated effort and unwavering committment. Integrating our old and new identities is hard work. You are a strong and vibrant personality, you will succeed. You have already come so far, against the odds. You are so much more than your walk! Your potential is so vast. I believe in you!

    I have thought about your tragic accident so often. My beliefs tell me there is always a plan for our lives. We may not understand it, we may be very unhappy about events that change our life’s direction. In your case, all your pain and challenges have affected so many lives on so many levels. We’ll never understand His plan. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to just accept what has happened. You are working through many challenges and doing it with grace and love. No one could ask for more.

    Peace and love my friend, Terri

  3. Myra Tate's Gravatar Myra Tate
    April 1, 2012 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    I walk through the world making “judgements”. Your experience wakens me to a part of me that needs to be carefully examined. Making “judgements” is a very lazy way of viewing the world – particularly the smaller world in which we live. Of course, as your mother, I am angry at that woman for making such an assessment without any information to back it up. HOw come she didn’t pass you by and say “what a tall, beautfiful woman” which is what you truly are! Somehow, we are all more prone to negate rather than affirm. “A Cup of Kindness” is teaching me. thank you, daughter.

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