A while back, Gregory and I were walking through Nordstrom. Well, he was walking. I was hobbling.
As another couple walked by us, I heard the woman say quietly, “Spastic.”
I knew exactly what she was doing. I used to do this all the time. I’m a nurse. Gregory is a massage therapist. I would see someone with a funny walk, and I would diagnose them in a word to Gregory.
In this situation I had to hold myself back from running after the couple and gently saying, “Not spastic. Pedestrian hit and run over (with 2 tires) by large vehicle. 36 fractures, including all ribs, sacrum, pelvis, several vertebrae, spinal cord injury. In Shock Trauma for 2 months. On ventilator. MRSA pneumonia. In rehab hospital for 2 months. Serious post traumatic stress injury. Recovering since then with a team of traditional and complementary healers.”
I wanted to do this, not to show off or make myself special in some way, but to clarify my identity. I didn’t want to be mistaken for someone else.
Now, I want to change. However, I can’t do that if I’m holding on to old identities – the survivor of a terrible accident, or even the person I was before the accident.
I have a wonderful sponsor in my 12-step program for food addiction. This morning she asked me, “Who do you want to be in the world?”
She said, “Look for your potential. Start from faith and do the work. Use the tools of the program.”
So, as a living amends to all those people I have identified by their walk, I will work on becoming more than my walk.
I’m very curious to see who shows up in this new narrative and will welcome her with gratitude.
Love & Light,
Valerie
Well then, we become everybody in the end and everybody is “me” . So , everyone will show up , in your walking.
love you nicola
Dear Nicola, How wonderful! I’m looking forward to meeting everybody. Love you, too. Love & Light, Valerie
I feel like making amends is the beginning of healing the mind. Each of us, no matter who we are, has the obligation to look at ourselves and aspire to be the best we can be. Acknowledging our shortcomings, and making an attempt to correct our mistakes as it relates to the past is difficult but necessary.
Our potential is just waiting for the opportunity to spring forward. Recognizing that potential takes concentrated effort and unwavering committment. Integrating our old and new identities is hard work. You are a strong and vibrant personality, you will succeed. You have already come so far, against the odds. You are so much more than your walk! Your potential is so vast. I believe in you!
I have thought about your tragic accident so often. My beliefs tell me there is always a plan for our lives. We may not understand it, we may be very unhappy about events that change our life’s direction. In your case, all your pain and challenges have affected so many lives on so many levels. We’ll never understand His plan. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to just accept what has happened. You are working through many challenges and doing it with grace and love. No one could ask for more.
Peace and love my friend, Terri
Dear Terri, I love everything that you’ve said here. The piece about recognizing my potential is so important and, as a part of that, to recognize and honor my current limitations. Thank you for the reminder that it takes concentrated effort and unwavering commitment to integrate our old and new identities. Love & Light, Valerie
I walk through the world making “judgements”. Your experience wakens me to a part of me that needs to be carefully examined. Making “judgements” is a very lazy way of viewing the world – particularly the smaller world in which we live. Of course, as your mother, I am angry at that woman for making such an assessment without any information to back it up. HOw come she didn’t pass you by and say “what a tall, beautfiful woman” which is what you truly are! Somehow, we are all more prone to negate rather than affirm. “A Cup of Kindness” is teaching me. thank you, daughter.
Hi Mom, I like your use of the word assessment. Nurses assess. I assume (or assess) that she was assessing me out of curiosity rather than judgement. Maybe in her view “spastic” is more interesting than “beautiful”. I just don’t know. All I know is my reaction that she got it wrong and I wanted to correct her understanding of my identity… which really isn’t my identity anyway. So, my lesson was to take a closer look at my own assessments which may be limiting me. Love & Light, Valerie