Day 53 of continuing recovery
My experience of G-d is goodness.
Where there is kindness I sense a Divine Presence. It’s beautiful. I find myself happy and free from fear. I feel connected to a flawless energy of unconditional love.
It was Grace that introduced me to my 12-step program for food addiction. Sponsors introduced me to the tools of the program. I am grateful to all of my sponsors and to the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous who gave us what we needed for Recovery.
As I practice the tools, my thoughts, emotions and deeds orient, like a giant, slow-moving satellite, away from me and outward towards the cosmos, nature and other beings. I gain the correct views necessary to plant my decisions in the direction of healing, forgiveness, harmony and honesty. I laugh more!
This is not to say that I’m in a continuous relationship with G-d. My connection with Higher Power is often broken. It’s the noticing of the break that helps me to re-connect. Noticing happens during Quiet Time, prayer, the moment of contemplation I take before a meal, listening to a program fellow share her story, and when I am struggling with a decision or struggling in a relationship.
When I orient towards noticing, I feel a gentle pull on my heart. It tells me that G-d is yearning for my essence to be revealed. What small stuff can I transcend? Where is my bigger heart?
Deep breath.
G-d, Creator, Universe, this is your daughter Valerie. Please fill me with what I need.
Mother, Earth, Creatress, this is your daughter Valerie. Please fill me with what I need.
Love & Light, Valerie
I am so glad that you are seeing and sensing your path. with love, mom
Thank you, Mom.
Love & Light,
Daughter
This reminded me of a favored song:
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!
I am going to use your prayer. I love you.
Dear Dana,
Thank you for sharing your rich treasury of meaningful words.
I love you, too.
With you in the Light,
Valerie
Beautiful!!! I am so happy for your healing and love to all.
Theolyn
Hi Theolyn,
It’s a happy time!
Love & Light,
Valerie
I love to read the interchanges between Myra and Valerie – loving mother and daughter. I’m so happy for the two of you. Your example motivates me to re-commit to keeping the lines of communication open between me and my son.
Dear Sandra,
I hit “publish” on this post before I finished what I thought I wanted to say. These thoughts about G-d were precipitated by gratitude for changes in the way I communicate with loved ones. I expect the learning is going to take a long, long time. Prayer helps.
Love & Light,
Valerie
Thank you, Valerie. How valuable kindness is!! Thank you for reminding me of that. And thank you for the beautiful photo of the humming bird. My pain from my hip keeps me from being kind. I am often negative in my thoughts. May I remember to breathe deeply, connect to the positive, try to love even when I feel unloved.
My hip surgery is now scheduled for Monday, November 26. I am looking forward to a full recovery, to being able to walk without pain.
Blessings on you and Gregory,
ellen atkinson
Dear Ellen,
Please let us know what we can do to help. Shop for groceries? Bring meals? Keep company?
I’ll be holding you in the Light.
From the Twenty-Four Hours a Day book for November 9:
“Thought for the Day
I have learned to be less negative and more positive. I used to take a negative view of almost everything. Most people, in my estimation, were bluffing. There seemed to be very little good in the world, but lots of hypocrisy and sham. People could not be trusted. They would “take you” if they could. All churchgoers were partly hypocrites. It seemed I should take everything “with a grain of salt.” That was my general attitude toward life. Now I am more positive. I believe in people and in their capabilities. There is much love and truth and honesty in the world. I try not to run people down. Life now seems worthwhile and it is good to live. Am I less negative and more positive?
Meditation for the Day
Think of God as a Great Friend and try to realize the wonder of that friendship. When you give God; not only worship, obedience, and allegiance, but also close companionship, then He becomes your friend, even as you are His. You can feel that He and you are working together. He can do things for you and you can do things for Him. Your prayers become more real to you when you feel that God counts on your friendship and you count on His.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may think of God as my Friend. I pray that I may feel that I am working for Him and with Him.”
Love & Light,
Valerie
I occasionally get drawn in by the teaser that appears in my email from A Cup of Kindness – today, I clicked and read your entry.
I became 59 years old on Friday, and had a glorious art-filled, wonder-filled, comtemplativel-filled day in New York City.
Yet I sometimes struggle with my family here, especially my bereft mother, who lost her spouse of 64.5 years in January. I have my own sadness, and then I have such a strong pull to “take care of” my mom. She doesn’t want that.
Her anger lashes out in all directions, and sometimes I think she confuses me with my father because I am sharing her space. There is no comforting there, only more persistent anger and then apologies.
So I read your journal and relate on the convergent path. I have lately realized that I have to be okay with being with me, (without rancor, accusations, or self-diminishment); and like my own company before I can be okay with anyone else. And mostly, I am there.
When I am okay, I can be triggered, but the heat only last an hour or two — when I am okay, I can sit still, not talk, not fidget, and allow my process to take whatever time to reveal itself.
Surrender and acceptance. That’s my holy mantra these days. I read it over and over from the BB, and talk to someone on a daily basis to keep S and A fresh.
When I can just “Be”, then I am enough.
Namaste
Thank you, Sealani. BIG thank you! What clarity you have; and so well-said.
It’s very hard for me to be OK with myself when I am in relationship with someone who is not OK with their own self. I’m learning that my job is to find what is OK in me and my job is NOT to make the other person OK.
I just came from Quiet Time when I read your entry. That old question came up about why we do this thing of 30 minutes. Your comment is perfect for me today, “… and allow my process to take whatever time to reveal itself.”
I deeply appreciate your mantra of surrender and acceptance. I’ll take that with me into my day.
Thank you, Sister.
Hey! What did you do in NYC? We’ll be there in December.
Love & Light,
Valerie